How often do you check your heart? Not going to a doctor but checking the condition of your heart.
For the past days, that’s what I’ve been doing. It’s just that I don’t know what’s really going on. I’ve been asking God so many times to tell me what’s going on because I just feel so restless inside.
And today, I got reminded of lukewarmness in our walk with God. Neither hot or cold. The relationship is there but there is no intimacy. And I realize that the condition of my heart reflects my relationship with the Lord.
For the past days, I really try to spend time with God. However, I realize that I do more of the talking and not the listening. I read the Bible to hear Him but I end up taking His time to speak to me and just keep throwing thoughts on Him. And eventually, all I hear is myself. My fears. My questions. My impatience. My noise.
Reading the Bible and hearing God through the Bible are totally different things. In spending time with God, one must acknowledge that it is a special time to meet God to be able to know Him and receive revelation from Him. It’s not just merely talking and ranting about things to Him but with a humble heart and a listening ear, we must also let God speak to us. He loves to talk to us. It’s not just us meeting Him, but Him also meeting us.
And I realize, that is what I lack. And at times, I also struggle controlling my thoughts. As I start meditating, my mind would eventually start to wander around. I really pray I will have the self-control not to over think and just focus on what God wants me to hear.
To ponder: If we allow other people to speak to us and impart to us wisdom, giving all our attention just to hear what they say, how much more from God who is our Creator and Heavenly Father?
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!