Through It All

I can’t believe that it is already March. For nothing much happening in my day to day, time is indeed going fast.

It’s been an interesting journey since I quit my job last December. I had hopes & prayers of how my next career would turn out to be but none of those happened. God usually honors the deadline I set, but not this time. I was hoping I could go back working by February, but as you see, it’s March already and I’m still in a place of uncertainty.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m truly grateful for this break that God is giving me. But of course, reality sets in when you have bills to pay. It makes me wonder for how long will I wait? Will my finances sustain the remaining days/weeks/months before I find another job? Then, I start asking question – was it a mistake that I quit my job without having another job waiting for me? But then, I always find myself back to the same decision I made. Truly, I am glad I made that decision.

This isn’t the first time that I have to wait on God on where He would want me to go. We’ve been on this journey for so many times already. And when I look back on how He sustained me during the season of waiting & how He provided work for me, I’m always in awe. Because it was all His doing. I always receive the unexpected. Something I can never take credit for. And I know, He will do it again.

So how has the journey been so far? It’s amazing how much God has changed me and made me grow in trusting Him. It is only by His grace. I am bored yes. Totally bored. I miss working, no denying on that. But, I have peace. I am not anxious. Even if my timeline does not match with His timeline, I know that He knows better. Being in a place of surrender, it is really because of Jesus that I can just take the back seat and let Him take the wheel.

This is a growing season in my life. It’s more than just finding a new job. It’s really walking with God and once again experiencing His transforming power in my life. There are so many things God is working in my life – humility, content, satisfaction, gratefulness, patience, etc. List just goes on.

I don’t know what’s your season today. But, I hope that I could encourage you that there is no waiting in vain in the Lord. Of course, we do our part. Just like me, I have to send in a lot of applications. But, I leave the results to God. It’s just so comforting when I know that I have a God who knows what is ahead, what’s the future. Because then, I know it will be a good one and I will not have to worry.

So, if you are in a season of waiting like me, whatever you are waiting for, I hope that you don’t grow weary, that you don’t lose hope. Enjoy this journey of God molding you as you wait. I really believe that we become better not during those smooth, easy times of our life but on those times that we got out of our comfort zone and took steps of faith.

But of course, as I said, I can never go through this season of uncertainty without Jesus in my life. He is my assurance, my source of hope. Apart from Him, my world would really go crumbling down.  I can rejoice, through it all!

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, “The Lord is great!” But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my d

So, if you haven’t entrusted your life to Jesus, this is the best time to do that. Best decision ever. That’s how I get to face difficulties with peace & joy. All because of Jesus.

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“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  — Jesus (John 10:10)

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Stuck in the Net

The past weeks were filled with so much discontent, weeping & sadness in my heart.

If you will know the reason why, you would say – “Really?”, “That’s it?”

And I know, I really don’t have a reason to be. I’m always in this roller coaster cycle of ups and lows when it comes to work. This is not something new. And the root of the problem is my heart. Selfishness, pride, discontent, ungratefulness. All of those ate me up.

I got stuck. I chose to stay drowning into all of those. I just wanted to keep weeping and maybe God will have mercy on me and just give me what I want. I was being a brat.

In all of those, God remained patient and merciful. The only way up is to really go back to Him – repent and obey. It was a struggle to do that but He waited.

I’m still not that okay. God is still working at my heart. It needs another surgery. But my prayer is as He does that, I will see Him. I will keep my eyes on Him. That’s all I could do.

If you are on same boat as I am, I hope that this will encourage you a bit. I thank God for being so gracious. Indeed, I can’t do it on my own.

Dear God,  “Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me, For I am desolate and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses! Look on my affliction and my pain, And forgive all my sins.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭25:16-18‬

Living on Band-Aids

When I was still working as a software engineer/developer, I have learned the skill of doing temporary fixes. When we encounter system/application issues and we could not find the root cause of the problem, we implement a work around just to reduce the issues until we figure out the root of it. And sometimes, we end up not fixing it. It’s not ideal but we just learned to live with it.

The world we are living in has been like that. We put band-aids to everything that becomes a moral issue in our society to reduce the noise until everyone will just learn to accept it.

I’m not sure what your belief is. I’m a Christian and I believe everything that is written in the Bible. Everything not good that is happening anywhere in this world does not come as a surprise to me anymore since I became a follower of Christ. God gave that warning during the early days of the church.

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 2 Timothy 3:1-3

If you ask the question, “Why would God allow such things if He is really real?” I would like you to watch the video that hopefully will encourage you to seek God more.

Going back to putting band-aids… One of the things that my heart is really breaking for is the implementation of SOGI (Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity) topics as part of education.  To know more details, you can go to this site: https://www.sogieducation.org

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Why did this become a need to implement? What is really the main reason?sogi2

Source: https://www.bccpac.bc.ca/upload/2017/12/2017-11-29-BCCPAC-SOGI-FAQ-for-Parents-with-References.pdf

When I was still in grade school, my father never failed to remind us the importance of education. He required us to study so hard, get good marks because he believed that we are capable. That’s just one of the many things of the role of being a parent. They disciplined us, they taught us how to behave properly as a girl and as a boy, they taught us how to dress properly, they taught us the right values. Because they are parents, they are responsible in helping us build a good foundation of our lives.

The struggle of kids on their sexuality, on bullying, on suicide – these are not issues that should be primarily “resolved” in schools. These are issues that need to be tackled within the family. If a child is reported to be bullying someone, it is the responsibility of the parent to talk to that child and correct that child. If a child is struggling with his/her sexuality, it is the responsibility of the parent to help that child overcome that struggle. If a child has suicide tendencies, it is the responsibility of the parent to assure that the child is loved no matter what. The problem with our society, some of the parents have lost their authority over their children. The society has more authority now over these kids than their parents.

SOGI is a band-aid. It is a work around that will never give a permanent solution. It will probably reduce bullying or suicide attempts but it will also cause more problems in the future for the young generation.

There is only one FIX for all the problems of this world. That fix was rejected 2000+ years ago up unto now. Just like anybody, I have my own struggles and problems in life. It may not be the same as the struggles on sexuality or bullying or depression but they are also real struggles in life. However, I chose the permanent FIX and not just a band-aid.

I chose JESUS to FIX my life and not what this world wants to offer. If you are a parent, choose what can really help your children so that when they grow up, they have a strong foundation that will help them overcome trials and challenges in this world. They need a foundation that will NEVER BE SHAKEN. And that’s only through a relationship with Jesus – the ONE who promised a life that is full and abundant.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – JESUS (John 10:10)

I am not a parent but I care so much for the young generation that it breaks my heart that they will be brought to a knowledge that will just add more confusion to their young and innocent minds.

The verses below show the heart of Jesus for the children. Before the parents loved them, Jesus already did even before they were formed into their mother’s womb. He knew them and He designed them with a life that is meaningful and purposeful (Psalm 19:13-18).

People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them. – Mark 10:13-16

I hope that we pray for the young generation that they will experience the love of God through His Son Jesus who alone can assure them of their true identity. I hope that we pray for parents and families who are going through these struggles and challenges that they will experience the transforming power of Jesus.

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Courage to Slow Down

When God answered my prayer to work for a different company, I was very happy and excited. I had been praying for it and this year I just felt that it was the right time. And indeed, God confirmed it. You can read more about that here.

My first few weeks in the new company were just refreshing. It started slow so I got a lot of time to learn and read about the company. As weeks continued to pass, I felt that the pace was still the same. It’s a pace that I was not used to. And it became a struggle for me. Most of us struggle with busyness in our day to day work. I did not know that slowing down would also become a struggle for me.

My heart started to complain. I started to grumble. In all honesty, there was no reason to grumble at all. During those weeks, my mind kept telling me to be grateful because I am very blessed and I am in a very good place. But you see, I entertained discontent in my heart. It was like that for weeks. I was already thinking of not extending my contract. I wanted a working environment that was the same as my previous company. I was struggling to adjust and embrace change.

I became stubborn for those weeks, playing deaf with God’s Word until He had to deal with me. He led me to Numbers 11.

“…but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it—because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you, and have wailed before him, saying, ‘Why did we ever leave Egypt?'” – Numbers 11:20

“Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the Lord, and when he heard them his anger was aroused.” Numbers 11:1

Those verses described me, grumbling and complaining. I was asking God if His answered prayer was really what He wanted for me. I asked God, “Do you really want me to stay?” Very discontent. Very ungrateful.

God’s word for me this year is COURAGE.  I was thinking it was courage for things that He wanted me to pursue this year, courage to pursue bigger things that will help me accomplish my own personal goals. However, God’s thoughts were different. I did not expect at all.

All my grumbling weren’t because of my work. It was my heart. God asked me, Do you have the courage to stay in the company where I put you even if it is an environment that you are not used to and that you will struggle to adjust?

“So if you are tempted to walk away, make sure to seek God, because you never know what he might do if you have the courage to stay. ” – Divine Direction by Craig Groeschel

And He did not end there. Slowing down was not just in terms of work but on everything. I was planning so many things that I just wanted to keep going. I wanted to accomplish a lot that I can’t just slow down. But God wanted me to slow down on everything, no exceptions. And that was the most difficult. I had so many things I wanted to do this year – starting to build my company, starting a business back home. But then God said, drop everything. Pause.

That was it! Courage…to slow down. It’s so hard. I felt like I’m going to run out of time if I pause. I felt like I will be losing my opportunity. But who am I to question God’s ways? I need to be courageous in pursuing a life that takes time to relax, to rest, to think, to reflect, to prepare, to plan.

By God’s grace, I obeyed.

How has it been so far? I’m so happy to say that it has been so liberating. I didn’t know that God can truly give me this season to just enjoy the flowers on the wayside. I am learning to appreciate boredom. I have more time now to reflect. I don’t feel the pressure of making things happen. I don’t think about things that are years and years ahead. I am learning to just think about the next few days. Importantly, I am enjoying this time of letting God use this season of my life for His work.

Indeed, there is a time for everything. We all just need the courage to embrace that.

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
   a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

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BREAK-UP

I’m just a bit emotional. I felt like someone broke up with me. Though, I really haven’t experienced one. Haha! But anyway, I just feel like it.

Last 2013, was my first time to resign from the first company that I worked for more than 8 years. But when I left, it was a different kind of emotion. I felt free. Here’s a throwback. 😀

Just this Friday, I said my farewell to the second company I have worked for almost 4 years. And the reason I’m writing now is because I just needed an outlet of how I feel and let it be. I really don’t like dramas but you know what, this is my blog site. I just  want to be dramatic right now. LOL.

Anyway, leaving was my personal choice. It was time to move forward and explore other industries for my own growth. I had to choose growth over comfort. However, leaving this time was not easy.

In my years at the company, I had moved from one team to another. Worked with different people on different projects. Had multiple bosses. Change was super constant. But the last seven months were different. I became part of a team wherein we could all grow together. And to become a part of something that evolves and improves, it’s not just about work. It’s really about building relationship. It was just getting better. And that’s why it was sad to leave. And probably, it’s just me. It’s something I didn’t want to lose.

I just feel like a portion of my life right now got ripped. #drama … lol… But, that’s how I feel. It’s going to take a while. I’ll definitely miss our daily stand-ups and sometimes, excessive clapping. 😀 I will miss grooming  & retro sessions where everyone just really gets “passionate”.  😀  I will miss the crunch time moments when it’s close to end of sprint and everyone just jumps in to help. Just so many things going on everyday that I will surely miss. But most of all, I will miss the team and being part of the team. I will miss working with people who turned out to be friends.

Okay enough with this drama…haha… but those are all sincere words… I’m not going too far so I know I will still see them.

Next week, I will be walking down the hall, seeing unfamiliar faces. And I might still be sad. It’s going to be weird for a while, I guess. We’ll see…

National Leave the Office Early Day!