What Happened?

Happy New Year!!! As always, first blog entry for 2019. A tribute to 2018.

So, what happened to your 2018? How was it?

My 2018 was very interesting. It started really exciting especially when I joined a new company.  I mean, that was really a leap of faith for me.  It was a bittersweet decision.

Then, a lot of things happened in between. God’s word for me for 2018 was “courage” and I thought that I would be making a lot of “big” decisions in life and you know probably meet someone (LOL). But, it was a different kind of courageous decision He wanted me to do. And yes, it was more difficult. I struggled with it all throughout the year (until now!). And, I kinda figured it out almost half of the year already.

SLOW DOWN. The two big words that I had to embrace and continue to embrace up to now. I tell you, it is harder than being busy.

My greatest blessing was to be able to spend time with people. My slowing down has allowed me to make more time with people and ministry. Those I can never exchange for anything. Relationships are the most important! And I’m truly grateful that God really allowed that in my life.

Then, my 2018 ended with a surprise. I didn’t know I would reach to a decision to leave the company that I joined early in the year. I feel like I became more brave by doing that. Though, I was confident because I have a Father in heaven who will take care of me no matter what.

I don’t have a list of what’s or what-not’s of my 2018. Just one big lesson that I will have to learn and keep re-learning. To learn to LIVE FOR THE MOMENT.  The reason why God wanted me to slow down. I forgot how it is to appreciate TODAY, embrace the PRESENT, enjoy the NOW.  So, we’ll see!!!

To end, always grateful to God who deserves all glory. I don’t know what 2019 will look like but I know for sure that God will remain faithful.

So, what’s your biggest lesson for 2018?

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I MISS YOU

I’m just thankful to the person who created the Timehop application. It’s an application that will feed your Facebook photos and statuses from 5 years ago until last year. I just like it so much because it reminds me of good memories from home.

And yes, I’m really missing home. I miss my family. I miss my friends and Manila discipleship group. I miss my friends from my previous company. I miss my favorite hang out places – Kapitolyo, Korean convenience store at Ortigas, Megamall, Powerplant Mall, California Garden Square.

Since I got back from my last assignment in 2012, April 2012 to May 2014 I believe are the most unforgettable years of my stay in Manila. These are my pruning years and never thought my last years in Manila. But as I look back, I am just glad that I really made the most in spending and investing time with people. I can not go back anymore. But I can always look back not having what ifs.

And that’s the reason why I miss home so much. I left at a time when there was so much growing, so much relationship building, so much learning.

I’m excited of how much people have changed when I go home next year for vacation. It’s a sad reality that people move on with their lives without me being part of it. However, I know that when I go home, I still have that spot in their lives just as they have in mine. That’s what’s comforting.

Our life here on earth is only meaningful when we invest our life not on things that moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. We truly never know where the next years would take us, but surely, when we invest our life on people, regardless of where we are, that’s what make living more purposeful.

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with my family – this was 11 months ago, we stopped by an overlooking site at Negros Oriental

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“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.” Matthew 6:19

Surrender

I thought today would be a very good day. Our living room just got emptied with our extra set of couch, meaning more space. The deployment at work went well with no issues. Things went pretty smooth most of the day until I had a talk with someone.

I don’t know what people think when I put my photos in Facebook or when I make posts about stuff. Maybe, some would think, “She must have a good life. Travel. Food. Friends.” Well, true enough. And I owe everything to God – the good life.  But what you see in social sites are just portions of what the lives of the people really are.

I’m hoping that if you read this, you would realize that you are not alone in whatever you’re going through.

Family problems? Sure, I have those.

Struggles? Sure, I also have.

Financial issues? Ditto!

Career dilemma? Definitely.

Heart matters? Of course.

Attitude problem? I ain’t perfect.

Every day, I have a meeting with any of those, a two or three of them maybe. I wish I can say my life is perfect. But sad reality, it will never be. I’m blessed beyond what I have imagined. But it’s all because of God who is perfect and good.

What happened tonight, just reminded me that indeed, I can’t really do everything apart from God. I wanted to be mad and angry and really pissed. But all I did – cried and prayed and surrendered to God. I really can’t do anything. I can’t force people. I can’t control people. I can’t change people. Despite how hurtful it is that I just want to say mean things, I got reminded of God’s grace.  I don’t have the right. And it is very hard even while typing this.

You see, without God in my life, I can be the most annoying, judgmental, self-righteous, controlling, tactless person. And maybe sometimes, I still am. But only God can tug my heart and say, “Be still. Be calm.”

I feel so much better now just to be able to do this.

So, if you have a very tough day, you’re not alone. You just have to keep the faith and let God. 🙂