Tag: confidence

#ToastmastersJourney:Gaslight

It was a good and a little bit “gaslighting” first session.

One of the things I wanted to work on this year for my personal development was to improve on leadership skills and public speaking. I’ve been looking for Toastmasters club within the area, however, my schedule never permits me to attend. Until just recently, our company hosted one as part of the learning and development programs we have. I was so happy when I knew about it! Indeed, God cares about us improving! And it’s very convenient because it is held in our head office. Really, really happy! I have decided that I will keep a journal of my Toastmasters’ journey to see how things will change for me in the future. We’ll see. 🙂

Anyway, back to the “gaslighting” moment. That word by the way was our word for the day during our first session last Tuesday. If you are not familiar how Toastmasters club works, you can check the video I shared below.  During the Table Topic part of the session, the Table Topic Master will randomly ask people in the room with questions and each will be given two minutes to answer. I am never good with impromptu speeches. I do a lot of meetings and presentations at work and even when I am prepared, I still feel nervous and struggle at times. How much more unprepared speeches? When I was chosen, I was really nervous.

The question asked went like this, “How do you extend having fun being at your best in your home life?” If you have time to think about it, it’s not a tough question right? Being put on the spot made me realize how tough indeed it is for Miss Universe candidates to do the Q&A. 😉 I just gave my best shot but I am not sure I really did a great job answering the question. I knew I was going in circles with my answer. However, I got a very encouraging feedback on how I speak and how I had good gestures. So, somehow I still did good for my first session. Yay! But definitely, so many things to improve on.

This is an existing journey for me as I am really looking forward to one day be able to speak in front of an audience of women especially the young women, wherein I can talk about things that are very relevant to them. #doingthedream

Toastmasters is an international organization. So if you are interested, there might be one in your area. 😉

 

Job Well Done – Not Mine.

The past months at work had been truly a tough one. But good tough, I must say. I felt like this year passed by so fast with so many things that had happened for the past 11 months. And in every project, there is always an ending. Finally!

I must say it was tough, but I felt like I’ve grown so much for those months. I remember, before that project happened, I had doubts about myself and my ability to perform my role. Not to mention, being in a totally different culture.  Yes, I struggled (I wrote a blog about it).

For me, each day was like going to a battle. And what kept me going is the assurance that God will not let me do something I am not capable of. That whatever is given to me, He will enable me. The past months had made me more dependent on God. It had made me more prayerful not just for myself but even for the people I work with.

A lot of prayers. An increasing faith.

As the project is closing, feedbacks were just amazing. I’m just overwhelmed with God’s favor in my workplace. As I look back on the days I was struggling and to now, I’m just in awe on how God has enabled and sustained me. I can never take credit for anything because I know that apart from God, I can only do much, but I can never be at my best. I had my own lapses with my work and with my character as well, but God made me come through.

It’s all because of Him. For all the good jobs and appreciation I received, all credit goes to God and God alone. God did a good job in me!

Losing Confidence (At Work)

It’s been almost 5 months now since I started working as an IT business analyst (BA) for a retail company. I’ve been in the IT industry for more than 8 years but my BA experience is just really a small portion of it, less than a year, I must say. And before I joined this company, I wasn’t working for 6 months since I left my company of more than 8 years. Getting back to the corporate world after 6 months of really good rest was a bit of a challenge in the beginning. From being so relaxed to going back to multitasking and meeting deadlines, it was a big jump again. But anyway, I am grateful.

The past days though were really a struggle for me. Not really with the tasks at hand but with my capacity of doing things. I just lost confidence in doing things. People at work may not see this but I’m trying to cope as much as I can to get things done. Deep inside, I’m really struggling in believing that I can accomplish the future tasks that will be assigned to me. I feel incompetent and lacking in a lot of areas. I feel like I’m not doing a great job with the role that I have. I feel like I’m not capable of the things that are expected of me. I’m not sure if choosing this career path was a mistake after all. Right now, I’m starting to ask myself and even asking God if this is really what I should be doing.

I want to see God working in me and through me as I press on with my work. As of now, I don’t hear God telling me to quit. He doesn’t want me to quit and give up at all. What I’m hearing is that I should believe and have confidence in Him that He will enable me to accomplish things. Not that I may please people but that He may be pleased and glorified.

As I get to work with different people, I see different personalities and different ways of doing things. And there is a tendency that I could adapt those which are not pleasing to God if I won’t be careful and if I won’t guard my thoughts and words. I pray that as I do my work, I will always remember that character is the most important more than anything else. I can be good with what I do but without good character, I will not be able to please God and make Him known to others.

I was reading Colossians 3 tonight and I’m grateful to be reminded of what really matters. No matter what I do, my goal should always be able to do things in the name of Jesus (Colossians 3:17).

These are the things I pray I will be able to remember and live out not just in my work but in my day to day.

– Set your heart and mind on things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God (v. 1-2)

– Clothe yourselves with: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness and over all these LOVE. (v.12-14)

– Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart. And be thankful (v.15)

– Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly (v. 16)

I’m excited how God will continue to let me experience Him through my workplace. Until He asks me to leave, I will just keep doing my best and leave everything to Him. Just as how God granted great wisdom to Solomon, I know that God will enable me as well to do my job well. Not for me but for Him to be glorified.

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