Feeling a bit low…

I feel a bit low today. Sad, I suppose.

I was so excited on something when it became uncertain again.

My heart sank.

But it’s okay. I will continue looking up to God.

He never failed me. He will never start now.

I know He will continue to enable me as I continue to wait.

Feel so uncertain, so unsure, so clueless.

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Control

Today, God reminded me that in wherever place we may be, there will always be a crooked and perversed generation. That’s why He commanded us, His children to be a light of the world.

I’ve been struggling with people recently that I stored in my heart a lot of negative emotions. I realized that there will always be people that could test pur character. The sad part is we can never have the power to change them. What we can only control is how we respond to them – our heart.

I pray that from this day onwards, I will press on to be a light and not to put God in shame.

Fear of the Lord is indeed the beginning of knowledge and wisdom.

Philippians 2:14-15 said to stop grumbling but instead prove that we His children are blameless that we may be a light to this crooked generation. To be like Jesus is what God has wanted us to be.

Surrender

I thought today would be a very good day. Our living room just got emptied with our extra set of couch, meaning more space. The deployment at work went well with no issues. Things went pretty smooth most of the day until I had a talk with someone.

I don’t know what people think when I put my photos in Facebook or when I make posts about stuff. Maybe, some would think, “She must have a good life. Travel. Food. Friends.” Well, true enough. And I owe everything to God – the good life.  But what you see in social sites are just portions of what the lives of the people really are.

I’m hoping that if you read this, you would realize that you are not alone in whatever you’re going through.

Family problems? Sure, I have those.

Struggles? Sure, I also have.

Financial issues? Ditto!

Career dilemma? Definitely.

Heart matters? Of course.

Attitude problem? I ain’t perfect.

Every day, I have a meeting with any of those, a two or three of them maybe. I wish I can say my life is perfect. But sad reality, it will never be. I’m blessed beyond what I have imagined. But it’s all because of God who is perfect and good.

What happened tonight, just reminded me that indeed, I can’t really do everything apart from God. I wanted to be mad and angry and really pissed. But all I did – cried and prayed and surrendered to God. I really can’t do anything. I can’t force people. I can’t control people. I can’t change people. Despite how hurtful it is that I just want to say mean things, I got reminded of God’s grace.  I don’t have the right. And it is very hard even while typing this.

You see, without God in my life, I can be the most annoying, judgmental, self-righteous, controlling, tactless person. And maybe sometimes, I still am. But only God can tug my heart and say, “Be still. Be calm.”

I feel so much better now just to be able to do this.

So, if you have a very tough day, you’re not alone. You just have to keep the faith and let God. 🙂