Could Have Been

There are days that I long for my sister, Amity. Days that I wish I can just talk to her. She is irreplaceable. We had conversations that I can never have with other people. Her opinion and insight just matters so much to me.

And today is just one of those days. I played all the music that she used to like. Looked at old photographs. I just wish I had more pictures with her when we were already working. Then, I started googling her name to see if there’s anywhere in the internet that I can find her.

And I found this…

LET result LET result2

An archive of the list of LET passers last 2006. We totally forgot about this. The Monday after Ate passed away, she was suppose to take her oath taking as a licensed teacher. But with everything that had happened that time, we didn’t care anymore. It didn’t matter anymore. But now, seeing her name in that list for the first time, it made me think what she could have become.

Some or maybe most may have not known, while Ate was ranking high in the insurance company she was working that time, she was also pursuing a different career. A teaching career for special children. If you know her really well, you would be surprised. You see, my sister had little patience with kids. She pursued that career because of a dream that she wanted to achieve long term. She was thinking that by taking that step, it would take her to greater heights. However, that experience changed her. She became in love with teaching, especially with the special children. I remember when she told me stories of how she dealt with the kids, instead of losing her patience, she would just find humor and laugh about it. She even showed us photos of her students. I never thought Ate would stand long when she was doing her practicum, but she did.

I can’t even imagine what could have been her life as a teacher. All I know is she will for sure do great things. It’s just sad that we never get to see what she could have become. Hopefully, someday, my family will be able to fulfill all the dreams that she had for all of us. So that all her hard work will not be put in vain.

Ate is not just family or a sister. She inspires me. As what I always say, she taught me how to dream big. She is one bubbly soul.

FullSizeRender

I always miss you Ate. I love you so much!

This is one of Ate’s favorite artist and song. She influenced me to enjoy jazz music.

Just Cry by Mandisa


Why you gotta act so strong
Go ahead and take off your brave face
Why you telling me nothing’s wrong
It’s obvious you’re not in a good place

Who’s telling you to keep it all inside
And never let those feelings get past
The corner of your eye

You don’t need to run
You don’t to need to speak
Baby, take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek

It may be tomorrow
You’ll be past the sorrow
But tonight, it’s alright
Just cry

I know you know your Sunday songs
A dozen verses by memory, yeah, they’re good
But life is hard, and days get long
You gotta know God can handle your honesty

So feel the things you’re feeling
Name your fears and doubts
Don’t stuff your shame and sadness
Loneliness and anger, let it out, let it out

You don’t need to run
You don’t to need to speak
Baby, take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek

It may be tomorrow
You’ll be past the sorrow
But tonight, it’s alright
Just cry, just cry

It doesn’t mean you don’t trust Him
It doesn’t mean you don’t believe
It doesn’t mean you don’t know
He’s redeeming everything

You don’t need to run
You don’t to need to speak
Baby, take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek

It may be tomorrow
You’ll be past the sorrow
But tonight, it’s alright
But tonight, it’s alright
Just cry, ooh, just cry

Why you gotta act so strong
Go ahead and take off your brave face